02 Oct The Art of Navigating a Nasty-Nice (Passive Aggressive) Boss: Tips and Tricks for Managing Your Manager

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Dealing with a nasty-nice boss can be a complete jump scare, and our experiences should be turned into an HBO special. We’ve had bosses that have almost sent us to the “lady” (therapist).

For a long a time, I didn’t notice I had a problem with authority, and when I realized it was a tough pill to swallow. Being the girl who doesn’t run from confrontation in real life, this realization was not only humbling but, completely out of left field.

What do you do when your boss is rude, prejudice, and straight-up agist? For me, I left every conversation confused and would talk myself out of real-life incidents, saying, “this can’t be happening, I read into this”. Not to mention, being the only black girl in a field where I was the only black girl all the time, I felt I had to prove my intelligence, constantly. It wasn’t enough that I graduated summa cum laude with volunteer experience up to the ions; I was always brought back to the girl from the hood who took up spaces and always had to make her own way. Through these experiences it taught me a very crucial life lesson, you must advocate for yourself in all spaces and you should not operate from a place of fear. I didn’t understand how work place bullying could affect my mental, my self-worth and how it chipped away at my confidence- I wasn’t ready for the corporate nasty-nice. Through time, I realized the best way to handle things is to care less. With this mentality, I handled situations in a professional manner, and I wasn’t afraid of consequences. I advocated for myself, and I GAINED RESPECT!

Human beings have a weird relationship with power. We gravitate towards people who have boundaries, who uphold their self-worth even if they’re faking it or overly zealous. We admire the person who says, “I’m busy. I can’t; I have prior commitments. We crave to go to restaurants that are always fully committed and miss out on other dining experiences that are not packed but are often more satisfying. The craving for having something you can’t have is how we’re wired. However, with that said, developing boundaries can be one of the most significant changes one can make. Exercising your capacity and expressing it can make you appear more busy and, in turn, more important. By doing so, you develop a natural flow that fits seamlessly into your daily routine and you gain respect while doing it.

Switch your tactics & remove all emotions from the situation, and stick up for yourself. Speak up! Add to your vocab things like , “I don’t feel comfortable with the conversation we had”. “I feel the work I provided was insightful, and if you’d like a different direction, can you itemize your ask”?

If expressing yourself professionally doesn’t work, straight-up approach people, and don’t fear confrontation. Always do this in a professional way and document all incidents. By removing your emotions from the situation you become more tactical and learn how to deal with difficult professional situations.

Here are more steps you can follow if you feel you’re dealing with a nasty-nice boss:

1. Set Boundaries: Determine what you are willing to tolerate and be firm in communicating your boundaries to your boss.
2. Seek Support: Lean on supportive colleagues or friends for guidance and encouragement. Remain Professional: Despite how you feel, it is important to remain professional at work.
3. Take Care of Yourself: Remember to take care of yourself regardless of the outcome. Ensure you are sleeping well, exercising regularly, and eating healthily.
4. Look for Other Opportunities: It may be time to start looking for a new job. Be proactive and update your resume, network, and apply to other companies.
5. Seek Assistance from HR: If the issue is serious, it may be necessary to escalate the issue to human resources. Document Everything: Keep a record of issues and discussions. This will be helpful if any further action needs to be taken.

Remember, always be clear about your expectations and discuss the issues with your boss in a professional and respectful manner. If all else fails … go where your valued, life is to short.